THE PERP

THE VICTIM

Two baby birds (fledglings, we have now learned) were on the ground around our house in the past few days. We have googled and learned lots about how cardinals train their young. We have watched the Mom and the Dad hover around their young and feed them. One fledgling was fully feathered and could fly short bursts. One had a bloody forehead, wasn't so feathered, and didn't look so far along. I was warned repeatedly since Sunday afternoon not to let Midnight (the cat) out. He has been cooped up and miserable. Last night, we had dinner on the back patio and watched the baby bird and parents. Midnight got out with all of the coming and going and was content to sit under the table with us and ignore the bird happenings.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm up, let the dog out, checked for the babies, couldn't find them (they flew the coop, I thought!) and made lunches with the sounds of the outdoors to enjoy. Midnight was happily resting on the bar stool.

Or so I thought.

Jordan came down, and began his breakfast. I was unloading the dishwasher when my spidey senses started tingling. "Where is the cat?" I thought. I looked and the cat was walking into the kitchen with A BABY BIRD IN HIS MOUTH!"

CRAP.

Oh, no he didn't...

CRAP.

And then it began. I rescued the bird from his mouth. Prodded him. It seemed ok? He was flapping and flipping. I placed him back by the tree (put the cat in the laundry room) and we watched. The Mom and Dad came around, but wouldn't feed him. He sat there.

Lots of tears. Jordan is so angry at me and the cat. Its all my fault. I tried to go with the whole "circle of life" speech. Jordan reminded me that Midnight is well fed. Yep, he got me there.

It is now almost three hours later. The Mom and Dad haven't fed him, he is down on his side, won't get up and just moves every now and then. I don't think he is long for this world.

And it's all my fault.

Update: time of death: 11:30 am. RIP little guy.

PRIVATE!

What is this fascination with privacy? People always say, “I’m a private person” as an intro to why they were offended by something that was asked, or as and excuse to say no to something, or just to seem mysterious (that is my vote for why people say that).

I’m not private. I Never have been. In fact, I’m the queen of too much information. I’ll tell you everything, short of my bank account number and routing number. I won’t respond to the phish email requesting my passwords and stuff, but I’ll tell you if I started my period this morning, or if I’m in the bathtub when I talk to you on the phone, or if I am having a tough day, or if I’m having a kick-ass day and why. I guess if that wasn’t ok, I’ve already offended and scared off the people that don’t want that information so I won’t worry too much about it.

Maybe I should work on being more mysterious. I mean, really, I bore myself. But that seems so hard. I can imagine it now…Jennifer, can you help out with the blah blah committee to blah blah tomorrow at 11? Why no, I can’t tomorrow. I have an appt. Its A Dr’s appt. *pause* Ok, its my annual pap smear and hopefully I’ll get that mammogram! But probably not, cause I’m still nursing an almost three year old! Gross, huh? I know, I never would have thought…but he’s my last. And its been so good for him. So, yeah, no mammogram for me still! Oh, you know, that appt is at 10 and I might just be done by then, so maybe I can come for the last part? Oh, ok, I’ll try and be there. Oh, but I’ll have to leave early cause I want to hit the gym for that new soul groove class. Gosh, its so fun. You should try it! ……….and on…….and on…..and on…..

Nope, I’m not private. I’m a big fat open book. A really thick, informative, and somewhat superfluous book.

2+2

Hunkering Down

Wow. It has been a long dry stretch since posting anything. I've had lots of "blog-worthy" moments that I start writing up in my head, but never get around to posting because they are all so negative. That's all I have right now: things that piss me off. And as much as this blog was supposed to be a release for those feelings and irritations, I just haven't wanted to give life to that lately. Maybe its the lenten season making me want to be more positive. Perhaps I'm afraid that if I indulge the dark underbelly of my bubbly personality right about now, I may not be able to dig myself back up to the light. Or maybe all this piss-offedness that I'm keeping bottled up will send me over the edge and you will read about me in the news! "Crazy suburban Momma goes postal in Kroger - details at 11!"

We'll have to wait and see.

Later

The Shack

I just read The Shack this weekend. I was a little hesitant because people fall into the hate it/love it category and I just was a little concerned about the disturbing nature of it (a seven year old girl is killed at the beginning). This book is a fictional account about that girl's father and his healing through conversations with God.

I was expecting The Secret part deux, or A New Earth wannabe. I was prepared to be offended. I wasn't. At all. In case anyone actually reads this, I can't discuss what I loved because I might give things away. I'm touched by this book. I'm changed by this book. I might even give this book as a gift to friend. Oh, and the book is fiction. It is not a course on theology.

I wonder what Oprah would think of this book. I guess we'll never know.

Dan Brown and Basketball

In the interest of using this blog to vent about things that bug me, I ask, why is Angels and Demons being marketed as a sequel to the DaVinci Code? It is not. It is a prequel. Does Ron Howard think that no one will notice? Does Dan Brown care? Or is he so happy that another one of his fictional accounts of the Church and its workings is being plastered all over the big screen because people are too lazy to read the book. Just put them in the right order! The whole world was able to figure out the prequel concept with the Star Wars franchise. It is possible. And if you follow Lost on television you are well ahead of the game. This bugs me. And yes I read both, and yes, I think they are fiction. And yes, I thought they were page turners and enjoyed reading. And yes, I will go see the darn movie too. I liked this book much better.

Other things that bug...my oldest is into basketball and had a big game the other night where the opposing team were foul happy. And fouling on purpose, and tripping our team's players on purpose! And I don't get real involved in the yelling and cheering etc. In fact, I don't say very much because I don't know enough about the game to say much anyway, other than "Woo hoo!" when mine makes a point, or basket, or whatever (see what I mean?). Furthermore, I've talked with my boy about it and he appreciates the silent support and happy face in the crowd. So back to the tripping. This number two on the other team was tripping. More than once. And the other team cheered. And then he tripped my boy. And Mamma tiger came out. I wanted to take the kid out. I stayed silent and supportive and the referee handled, and all was well. I was just amused to observe that I got so enraged at that other child for a half a second. Motherhood is interesting. Glad its passed. Oh, and if by some strange and weird occurence the Mother of that number two were to read this crazy blog, I am so truly sorry.....



that your kid is a little jerk.

Abercrombie

I don't normally shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. Until yesterday, I don't think I've ever been all the way in the store. I'm just not cool enough. Especially with a stroller! But yesterday I was "sans stroller" and by myself, and my oldest has been hinting that he would like something from there. I guess the time has come for one of my children to be aware of labels. Although I'm not that way so much anymore, I can relate. I grew up in the 80s after all with the Polo and the Izod and the Girbeaud and Guess jeans. I had some of it then, and then realized how silly it all was once I have to pay for it. Now, I like cheap purses that I throw away and can't imagine spending so much on something that I place in the floor of my car daily, but I do have a few exceptions. I like nice jewelry. I would rather have something flawless and real and wear it all of the time rather than lots of trendy accessories. I save the trendy for my purses:) I digress.

So there I am in Abercrombie looking through the sale stuff and I asked the guy about this "muscle fit". I talked to him for a few minutes and he was pretty darn helpful. I went on to say how big my son is, how much he weighs and would this size fit, etc. Finally after answering my umpteenth question, he says, " just so you know, I don't work here." Well, if I would have apologized right then and walked away calmly he might have thought, "ok, she's weird" but that would have been it. Instead, I threw my head back, opened my cavernous big mouth and gave my biggest belly laugh/cackle that I am famous for. I really laughed hard. I think I even knee-slapped. I can still chuckle just thinking about it. I really crack myself up. I'm turning into my Mother, and I think she is awesome, so it's a good thing in my book. After the obnoxious laugh, the guy had vanished. I think I scared him a little.

So to conclude: As much fun as the store visit was, I felt a little funny walking around the mall with a shopping bag with a half naked man on both sides. From now on, I should probably stick to shopping their online store. I really am not cool enough for Abercrombie and Fitch.

This is a Catholic mother of five saying that children are "too expensive" in our economy.

Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) -- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the leading Democrat in the House, is defending a decision to include a bailout of the abortion industry in the Congressional stimulus bill. The legislation now contains a provision that would send more government funds to the Planned Parenthood abortion business.

As LifeNews.com is reporting today, the Democrats' stimulus plan now includes a measure to send more public funds to the Planned Parenthood abortion business to fund contraception and birth control.

Specifically, a provision in the legislation clears the way for expanded federal funding of contraceptives through Medicaid for those who aren't even poor.

In an interview with George Stephanopoulos Sunday morning on ABC's "This Week," Pelosi boldly defended a move to add funding for the abortion business in the economic package.

"Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?" the ABC News host asked.

"Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children's health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs," the top Democrat responded.

"One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government," Pelosi added.

"So no apologies for that?" Stephanopoulos continued.

"No apologies. No. we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy," Pelosi added.

And this is the slippery slope from legal abortion to federally funded abortion to federally MANDATED abortion. We are already at step two. Scary.

Not much

I don't have much to blog about. I'm just not pissed off enough. Give me till next week when my PMS will be in full swing. I'm sure I can come up with something then. All I have to report is that I ran the Houston Half Marathon that I never planned on really running back in June when I signed up for Champions Fit. I said I probably wouldn't run any races, I just wanted to run further and longer. I ran the 13.1 miles. I wasn't fast, but I was strong. I was consistent. And when miles 10 and 11 sucked and I started to whine just a little, my running partners reminded me that we had 11 children between the three of us, so suck it up. And I figured, "if I can push three human beings out of my vagina, then I can run 13.1 paltry miles on a beautiful day. And I did. And in my own bizarro world, I kick ass, thank you very much.

New Year Resolutions in Bizarro World

I don't do new year's resolutions. If I want to do or start something, I think its far more effective (for me at least) to start on a random Thursday mid-day rather than that "I'll start on Monday" attitude. For the most part, I don't like to give anything up totally because I think deprivation is the key to craziness and everything is OK in moderation. Then came kids...and their stupid little narc heavy "just say no" programs at school. So I have to provide the example. Illegal drugs are bad. I concur. But alcohol and tobacco? Last time I checked, they were still legal. Who started the Dare program anyway? Bitch.

So here is my New Year's Resolution list for myself if I lived in Bizarro world. Where consequences wouldn't matter and I wouldn't need to be around for grandkids and all that warm fuzzy crap.

In bizarro world I resolve to:
1) Start each day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It gets the bowels and metabolism going in one shot and just would put me in a much better mood to deal with grouchy kiddos.
2) Stop getting up at 4:45 to run and resolve to sleep later! I am much better with 8 hours of sleep and I dare say I would be thinner and healthier with more sleep. The obvious answer would be to go to sleep earlier in the evening, but then I would miss Everybody Loves Raymond in syndication.
3)Eat more junk food and cook less. I was much thinner when I ate whatever the hell I wanted and didn't have to cook for picky finicky eaters. I resolve to let them fend for themselves and go back to eating when I'm hungry and moreover, eating what I'm hungry for which means I am satisfied with smaller portions and I'm not cleaning the leftovers from those picky eater's plates.
4)Happy hour every Thursday evening. I used to enjoy meeting somewhere from 5-8 or so and then coming home to watch Knots Landing. Fond memories.
5)Date night every Friday evening. This could be combined with happy hour on Thursday, but somehow I think that would be "worlds colliding". What I remember being fun about happy hour is different from what I miss about dating my big hunk a man. Nothing inappropriate about either, BTW. I just miss laughing and talking and socializing with happy hour and I miss laughing and talking and socializing during our dates. That made no sense, but they are different. Oh, and for those who manage the date night in real world and not bizarro world, I applaud you. You either have child labor for free with an older child, extra $$ for babysitters that we don't want to spend, or family in town for children dumping. Either way, weekly date night is very much a bizarro world fantasy for me at this juncture.
6)Weekly massage. With no happy ending.
7) More time to watch smut tv. I just can't seem to fit in all of the reality shows and HBO series and home improvement and sci fi movies that I need to watch. Its a problem.
8) On the vanity front, and since we are in my own fantasy, I would like the zap all my spider veins and also find a way to get a boob job without the risk of surgery and the explanation to my daughter that I didn't think I was good enough as is. Just for that I will never get one. I can't change what message that would send to her even in bizarro world, so scrap it. I'll stick to hi-lighting my hair and trying to explain that one.

Well, that time in fantasy land felt really good and made me ready and refreshed to go and tackle my sheets that need to be washed, cook my planned meal, and shower from my early morning run. I like the expression, "I'll sleep when I die". Well, I'll do all those other things too. I'm sure there's happy hour in Heaven. If not, I'll plan it when I get there.

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Which witch? The Christmas witch! It's over and until estrogen rears its ugly head (in about two and a half weeks or so) it's all good. I made the kids sit and write 12 thank you notes this morning, all the while bribing them with a visit (coupons in hand to entice all the more) to Chuck E. Cheese's. So not only did we get thank yous written, I got to be the best Mom in the world. And school starts tomorrow! ****sigh**** Life IS good.