All the Feels

Since the election, I am reading, hearing about and viewing lots of emotion out in the world.  So many feelings are being expressed, cried about, and spewed.  Protest, sit-ins, boycotts and even riots are the go-to solution for all of these feelings.  We all react to feelings differently.  My knee-jerk reaction to intense emotion is to analyze it and find the facts amidst all of the feelings.

Feelings are overwhelming, over-stimulating, too much and too wrong.  Feelings send you into the closet if you give into them, just for the quiet and the reprieve.  Facts give you data.  Look at mood swings.  Feelings take you on a sometimes fantastic, sometimes fatal journey of emotion.  Analyze your mood swing.  What environmental factors changed?  Did anything change?  Or did your feelings change?  A quick and simple analysis will tell you that YOU changed.  Nothing around you is at fault for how YOU DECIDE TO FEEL and any given moment.  Moods, feelings, gut, and hunches:  they are all suspect and should take a firm back seat to FACTS.

Feelings can’t be trusted.  Feelings are liars.  Just look at a panic attack.  Feelings tell you you’re going to die.  Right here and now…you will die.  ALL LIES.  Ride a panic attack out.  You didn’t die.  Major depressive episode:  Feelings tell you the world will be better off without you.  It will be actually easier on your family.  LIES.  Look at all the suicides committed by amazing and wonderful people who made the mistake of trusting their feelings.  Why should you ever trust your feelings again?

Feelings are for the Eat, Pray, Love generation.  Feelings tell vulnerable snowflakes that they have just met their soulmate.  Even though they are already married and have families.  Feelings tell middle aged women and men that they just aren’t “happy” anymore, and that they need to follow their bliss and find themselves.  Feelings tell teenage girls that the bad boy is worth it and she can change him and that the solid guy is boring.  Feelings tell fiscally irresponsible folks that they have to have that couch/watch/house/car now and that they deserve it although it can’t be afforded.  Feelings are fickle.

Feelings tell some voters that one candidate is mean or insensitive (there it is with those pesky emotions).  Facts tell me which one rigged a primary, was irresponsible and treasonous with classified information, put our nation at grave risk, ran a shady foundation, and threw temper tantrums.  All facts.  I make my decisions based on facts, on which candidate I THOUGHT (not felt) would be better for this country right now.  The only mistake I admit to, is assuming that voters on the other side of the aisle made their decision to vote for their candidate based on facts.  I assumed we both want what is best for the nation that we leave to our children.  So my respect for them didn’t diminish, and I didn’t think any less of their decision because I THINK we all made decisions with the same process. I expected the same treatment. I am obviously wrong.   Lots of feelings involved there, and lots of ire, hatred, hysteria and incredulity coming from the other side.  Notice all the feelings?

Feelings are for hallmark movies, the Lifetime Movie Channel, outstanding novels, and musical scores.  They have their place.  Maslow’s Hierarchy is a “nice to have”.  I would argue that our country is hanging by a thread to the second level of Maslow’s pyramid at “safety and security” or maybe you don’t remember 9/11.  

I don’t choose my vote, nor do I make any major decisions based on feelings.  It is working for me so far.  So I don’t plan to change.  This I know: I cannot or will not surround myself with volatile people mired down in a vortex of emotions.  It isn’t healthy for me.  We are all “sensitive”, some more than others.  I know this about myself, therefore I choose thoughtful people for my inner circle.  I value my friends with differing opinions who make their decisions based on their own thinking and facts.  We need to keep our conversations open and the communication flowing.  That’s how we all learn.  I refuse to surround myself with emotionally volatile people, but I choose to surround myself with those that challenge my thoughts, present me with facts, and maintain a dialogue filled with respect and the understanding that we all want what is best for our nation.  This I DECIDED.  

Peace and blessings…

THE PERP

THE VICTIM

Two baby birds (fledglings, we have now learned) were on the ground around our house in the past few days. We have googled and learned lots about how cardinals train their young. We have watched the Mom and the Dad hover around their young and feed them. One fledgling was fully feathered and could fly short bursts. One had a bloody forehead, wasn't so feathered, and didn't look so far along. I was warned repeatedly since Sunday afternoon not to let Midnight (the cat) out. He has been cooped up and miserable. Last night, we had dinner on the back patio and watched the baby bird and parents. Midnight got out with all of the coming and going and was content to sit under the table with us and ignore the bird happenings.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward to this morning. I'm up, let the dog out, checked for the babies, couldn't find them (they flew the coop, I thought!) and made lunches with the sounds of the outdoors to enjoy. Midnight was happily resting on the bar stool.

Or so I thought.

Jordan came down, and began his breakfast. I was unloading the dishwasher when my spidey senses started tingling. "Where is the cat?" I thought. I looked and the cat was walking into the kitchen with A BABY BIRD IN HIS MOUTH!"

CRAP.

Oh, no he didn't...

CRAP.

And then it began. I rescued the bird from his mouth. Prodded him. It seemed ok? He was flapping and flipping. I placed him back by the tree (put the cat in the laundry room) and we watched. The Mom and Dad came around, but wouldn't feed him. He sat there.

Lots of tears. Jordan is so angry at me and the cat. Its all my fault. I tried to go with the whole "circle of life" speech. Jordan reminded me that Midnight is well fed. Yep, he got me there.

It is now almost three hours later. The Mom and Dad haven't fed him, he is down on his side, won't get up and just moves every now and then. I don't think he is long for this world.

And it's all my fault.

Update: time of death: 11:30 am. RIP little guy.

PRIVATE!

What is this fascination with privacy? People always say, “I’m a private person” as an intro to why they were offended by something that was asked, or as and excuse to say no to something, or just to seem mysterious (that is my vote for why people say that).

I’m not private. I Never have been. In fact, I’m the queen of too much information. I’ll tell you everything, short of my bank account number and routing number. I won’t respond to the phish email requesting my passwords and stuff, but I’ll tell you if I started my period this morning, or if I’m in the bathtub when I talk to you on the phone, or if I am having a tough day, or if I’m having a kick-ass day and why. I guess if that wasn’t ok, I’ve already offended and scared off the people that don’t want that information so I won’t worry too much about it.

Maybe I should work on being more mysterious. I mean, really, I bore myself. But that seems so hard. I can imagine it now…Jennifer, can you help out with the blah blah committee to blah blah tomorrow at 11? Why no, I can’t tomorrow. I have an appt. Its A Dr’s appt. *pause* Ok, its my annual pap smear and hopefully I’ll get that mammogram! But probably not, cause I’m still nursing an almost three year old! Gross, huh? I know, I never would have thought…but he’s my last. And its been so good for him. So, yeah, no mammogram for me still! Oh, you know, that appt is at 10 and I might just be done by then, so maybe I can come for the last part? Oh, ok, I’ll try and be there. Oh, but I’ll have to leave early cause I want to hit the gym for that new soul groove class. Gosh, its so fun. You should try it! ……….and on…….and on…..and on…..

Nope, I’m not private. I’m a big fat open book. A really thick, informative, and somewhat superfluous book.

2+2

Hunkering Down

Wow. It has been a long dry stretch since posting anything. I've had lots of "blog-worthy" moments that I start writing up in my head, but never get around to posting because they are all so negative. That's all I have right now: things that piss me off. And as much as this blog was supposed to be a release for those feelings and irritations, I just haven't wanted to give life to that lately. Maybe its the lenten season making me want to be more positive. Perhaps I'm afraid that if I indulge the dark underbelly of my bubbly personality right about now, I may not be able to dig myself back up to the light. Or maybe all this piss-offedness that I'm keeping bottled up will send me over the edge and you will read about me in the news! "Crazy suburban Momma goes postal in Kroger - details at 11!"

We'll have to wait and see.

Later

The Shack

I just read The Shack this weekend. I was a little hesitant because people fall into the hate it/love it category and I just was a little concerned about the disturbing nature of it (a seven year old girl is killed at the beginning). This book is a fictional account about that girl's father and his healing through conversations with God.

I was expecting The Secret part deux, or A New Earth wannabe. I was prepared to be offended. I wasn't. At all. In case anyone actually reads this, I can't discuss what I loved because I might give things away. I'm touched by this book. I'm changed by this book. I might even give this book as a gift to friend. Oh, and the book is fiction. It is not a course on theology.

I wonder what Oprah would think of this book. I guess we'll never know.

Dan Brown and Basketball

In the interest of using this blog to vent about things that bug me, I ask, why is Angels and Demons being marketed as a sequel to the DaVinci Code? It is not. It is a prequel. Does Ron Howard think that no one will notice? Does Dan Brown care? Or is he so happy that another one of his fictional accounts of the Church and its workings is being plastered all over the big screen because people are too lazy to read the book. Just put them in the right order! The whole world was able to figure out the prequel concept with the Star Wars franchise. It is possible. And if you follow Lost on television you are well ahead of the game. This bugs me. And yes I read both, and yes, I think they are fiction. And yes, I thought they were page turners and enjoyed reading. And yes, I will go see the darn movie too. I liked this book much better.

Other things that bug...my oldest is into basketball and had a big game the other night where the opposing team were foul happy. And fouling on purpose, and tripping our team's players on purpose! And I don't get real involved in the yelling and cheering etc. In fact, I don't say very much because I don't know enough about the game to say much anyway, other than "Woo hoo!" when mine makes a point, or basket, or whatever (see what I mean?). Furthermore, I've talked with my boy about it and he appreciates the silent support and happy face in the crowd. So back to the tripping. This number two on the other team was tripping. More than once. And the other team cheered. And then he tripped my boy. And Mamma tiger came out. I wanted to take the kid out. I stayed silent and supportive and the referee handled, and all was well. I was just amused to observe that I got so enraged at that other child for a half a second. Motherhood is interesting. Glad its passed. Oh, and if by some strange and weird occurence the Mother of that number two were to read this crazy blog, I am so truly sorry.....



that your kid is a little jerk.

Abercrombie

I don't normally shop at Abercrombie and Fitch. Until yesterday, I don't think I've ever been all the way in the store. I'm just not cool enough. Especially with a stroller! But yesterday I was "sans stroller" and by myself, and my oldest has been hinting that he would like something from there. I guess the time has come for one of my children to be aware of labels. Although I'm not that way so much anymore, I can relate. I grew up in the 80s after all with the Polo and the Izod and the Girbeaud and Guess jeans. I had some of it then, and then realized how silly it all was once I have to pay for it. Now, I like cheap purses that I throw away and can't imagine spending so much on something that I place in the floor of my car daily, but I do have a few exceptions. I like nice jewelry. I would rather have something flawless and real and wear it all of the time rather than lots of trendy accessories. I save the trendy for my purses:) I digress.

So there I am in Abercrombie looking through the sale stuff and I asked the guy about this "muscle fit". I talked to him for a few minutes and he was pretty darn helpful. I went on to say how big my son is, how much he weighs and would this size fit, etc. Finally after answering my umpteenth question, he says, " just so you know, I don't work here." Well, if I would have apologized right then and walked away calmly he might have thought, "ok, she's weird" but that would have been it. Instead, I threw my head back, opened my cavernous big mouth and gave my biggest belly laugh/cackle that I am famous for. I really laughed hard. I think I even knee-slapped. I can still chuckle just thinking about it. I really crack myself up. I'm turning into my Mother, and I think she is awesome, so it's a good thing in my book. After the obnoxious laugh, the guy had vanished. I think I scared him a little.

So to conclude: As much fun as the store visit was, I felt a little funny walking around the mall with a shopping bag with a half naked man on both sides. From now on, I should probably stick to shopping their online store. I really am not cool enough for Abercrombie and Fitch.

This is a Catholic mother of five saying that children are "too expensive" in our economy.

Washington, DC (LifeNews.com) -- House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the leading Democrat in the House, is defending a decision to include a bailout of the abortion industry in the Congressional stimulus bill. The legislation now contains a provision that would send more government funds to the Planned Parenthood abortion business.

As LifeNews.com is reporting today, the Democrats' stimulus plan now includes a measure to send more public funds to the Planned Parenthood abortion business to fund contraception and birth control.

Specifically, a provision in the legislation clears the way for expanded federal funding of contraceptives through Medicaid for those who aren't even poor.

In an interview with George Stephanopoulos Sunday morning on ABC's "This Week," Pelosi boldly defended a move to add funding for the abortion business in the economic package.

"Hundreds of millions of dollars to expand family planning services. How is that stimulus?" the ABC News host asked.

"Well, the family planning services reduce cost. They reduce cost. The states are in terrible fiscal budget crises now and part of what we do for children's health, education and some of those elements are to help the states meet their financial needs," the top Democrat responded.

"One of those - one of the initiatives you mentioned, the contraception, will reduce costs to the states and to the federal government," Pelosi added.

"So no apologies for that?" Stephanopoulos continued.

"No apologies. No. we have to deal with the consequences of the downturn in our economy," Pelosi added.

And this is the slippery slope from legal abortion to federally funded abortion to federally MANDATED abortion. We are already at step two. Scary.

Not much

I don't have much to blog about. I'm just not pissed off enough. Give me till next week when my PMS will be in full swing. I'm sure I can come up with something then. All I have to report is that I ran the Houston Half Marathon that I never planned on really running back in June when I signed up for Champions Fit. I said I probably wouldn't run any races, I just wanted to run further and longer. I ran the 13.1 miles. I wasn't fast, but I was strong. I was consistent. And when miles 10 and 11 sucked and I started to whine just a little, my running partners reminded me that we had 11 children between the three of us, so suck it up. And I figured, "if I can push three human beings out of my vagina, then I can run 13.1 paltry miles on a beautiful day. And I did. And in my own bizarro world, I kick ass, thank you very much.

New Year Resolutions in Bizarro World

I don't do new year's resolutions. If I want to do or start something, I think its far more effective (for me at least) to start on a random Thursday mid-day rather than that "I'll start on Monday" attitude. For the most part, I don't like to give anything up totally because I think deprivation is the key to craziness and everything is OK in moderation. Then came kids...and their stupid little narc heavy "just say no" programs at school. So I have to provide the example. Illegal drugs are bad. I concur. But alcohol and tobacco? Last time I checked, they were still legal. Who started the Dare program anyway? Bitch.

So here is my New Year's Resolution list for myself if I lived in Bizarro world. Where consequences wouldn't matter and I wouldn't need to be around for grandkids and all that warm fuzzy crap.

In bizarro world I resolve to:
1) Start each day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette. It gets the bowels and metabolism going in one shot and just would put me in a much better mood to deal with grouchy kiddos.
2) Stop getting up at 4:45 to run and resolve to sleep later! I am much better with 8 hours of sleep and I dare say I would be thinner and healthier with more sleep. The obvious answer would be to go to sleep earlier in the evening, but then I would miss Everybody Loves Raymond in syndication.
3)Eat more junk food and cook less. I was much thinner when I ate whatever the hell I wanted and didn't have to cook for picky finicky eaters. I resolve to let them fend for themselves and go back to eating when I'm hungry and moreover, eating what I'm hungry for which means I am satisfied with smaller portions and I'm not cleaning the leftovers from those picky eater's plates.
4)Happy hour every Thursday evening. I used to enjoy meeting somewhere from 5-8 or so and then coming home to watch Knots Landing. Fond memories.
5)Date night every Friday evening. This could be combined with happy hour on Thursday, but somehow I think that would be "worlds colliding". What I remember being fun about happy hour is different from what I miss about dating my big hunk a man. Nothing inappropriate about either, BTW. I just miss laughing and talking and socializing with happy hour and I miss laughing and talking and socializing during our dates. That made no sense, but they are different. Oh, and for those who manage the date night in real world and not bizarro world, I applaud you. You either have child labor for free with an older child, extra $$ for babysitters that we don't want to spend, or family in town for children dumping. Either way, weekly date night is very much a bizarro world fantasy for me at this juncture.
6)Weekly massage. With no happy ending.
7) More time to watch smut tv. I just can't seem to fit in all of the reality shows and HBO series and home improvement and sci fi movies that I need to watch. Its a problem.
8) On the vanity front, and since we are in my own fantasy, I would like the zap all my spider veins and also find a way to get a boob job without the risk of surgery and the explanation to my daughter that I didn't think I was good enough as is. Just for that I will never get one. I can't change what message that would send to her even in bizarro world, so scrap it. I'll stick to hi-lighting my hair and trying to explain that one.

Well, that time in fantasy land felt really good and made me ready and refreshed to go and tackle my sheets that need to be washed, cook my planned meal, and shower from my early morning run. I like the expression, "I'll sleep when I die". Well, I'll do all those other things too. I'm sure there's happy hour in Heaven. If not, I'll plan it when I get there.

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Which witch? The Christmas witch! It's over and until estrogen rears its ugly head (in about two and a half weeks or so) it's all good. I made the kids sit and write 12 thank you notes this morning, all the while bribing them with a visit (coupons in hand to entice all the more) to Chuck E. Cheese's. So not only did we get thank yous written, I got to be the best Mom in the world. And school starts tomorrow! ****sigh**** Life IS good.

Message received

Allrighty then. I'm better now. I didn't talk to a priest, although I probably could stand that on a good day. I just got the majority of chores done to make me realize that last spark of joy in my black lump of coal heart. Also, I got two prayer requests from friends who had or were having biopsies and were scared and worried. Nuff said. Working on the attitude...

Bah Humbug

I'm ready for Christmas to be over. OVER. Not just the day after over, but day come and gone, traveled to family and back, unpacked, laundry done, gifts put away, thank you notes written and sent, decorations stored, and bills paid off OVER. I long for the desolation and lack of decoration of January. I'll get to Mardis Gras later. I'll post on how much I love Mardis Gras later. For now, suffice it to say that I want Christmas over. I don't feel it this year. I could give a fook this year. That's a problem. I think I need to talk to a priest about it and see what I need to do. I will refrain from saying fook when I talk to him. Or at least I'll try...

Cool guy

It is out of the bag. President-elect Obama, our fearless leader is still smoking. He says he quit but occasionally falls off the wagon. His doctors said he is healthy and can run three miles. He was seen with nicorette gum on the campaign trail. He said he WILL NOT smoke in the White House. This has really made news. People seem to care about this. Not the willingness to kill the unborn, or all of the other stuff that makes me nervous about our fearless leader. People care about whether or not he is sneaking off and smoking a cigaratte occasionally. Hmmmm.

Here is the shocker. I love it. It is endearing. It actually makes me like him more. In a world where the President Clinton not only smoked cigars but got a blowjob in the whitehouse (I can't resist the term "getting his pole smoked" hee) the American public is worried about Obama dealing with the crap he has to deal with and not taking a smoke break? That's hysterical. Obviously the guy can handle smoking in moderation. Yeah yeah, its bad for you. So is fattening food, and too much sleep. Anything is bad if you are a moron.

So back to Obama. It makes him cool. You know it does.

Why couldn't I get the boobs?

I think that I'm fairly bright. Not gifted, but able to learn things quickly. I was always a teacher pleaser and thrived off praise and grades. I'm not proud. Its who I am.

Here is the flip side. I'm really dingy. I reinforce that damned dumb blonde reputation on a daily basis. And when I do it in a public way or around people who don't love me I just hate it. I want to scream, "But I'm smart! Really! I have an MBA and I graduated seventh out of seventy on full scholarship and I was drunk at least three nights of each week of that program!" But again with that stereotype - that comment wouldn't help. I used to have no filter. In my brain, then *insert sound effect* out my mouth. My husband has helped me with that. Sometimes with a kind reminder that I should pause before I speak and sometimes with a look on his face that says, "I can't believe I am married to this dumbass for eternity." Both methods do the trick.

The point of my post: I had a dingbat moment tonight, and no one to tell. I was playing solitaire on the computer after putting the kids to sleep (see how smart I am? I could have been watching t.v. or cleaning my kitchen) and it was one of those games where all signs pointed to me winning and having that kick-ass graphic with the cards falling down and leaving little visual echos. *sigh* Anyway, all my aces were up top, all my kings were down bottom, and I was cookin with bacon and then it happened - I was stuck. All because of one card that I couldn't get to for it to all work. Keep in mind this was on the computer. And in my frustration and grasping for straws as to why smart me couldn't win, I actually thought for a second that........................

the kids must have been playing with the deck and some of the cards must have gotten lost.

I'm not proud. Its who I am.

Light Reading

Ok, I did my political thing and got on my soap box and it doesn't really make a difference other than make me feel heard, which is what this little blog experiment is all about. Doing its job, it is.

So here I am with a full belly from Thanksgiving, looking forward to filling it a little higher with some boiled crawfish, and feeling all warm and fuzzy and not at all political. I did just finish The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins and boy was that book disturbing. Good though, and I can't wait for the second one. Is she even writing it yet?

What sent me in that direction was actually the review for Hunger Games by Stephen King. Anything he likes, I will buy. I love Stephen King's own books. If you haven't read The Stand, I highly recommend it. Very disturbing as well, but oh so fabulous and even the mini-series was awesome with a kickin opening scene to the song "Don't fear the reaper." King also wrote The Running Man under the name Bachman and it was made into a movie that was somewhat like the Hunger Games. All this fun election stuff as of late has really gotten me itching to read some of those fun apocalyptic and rise of the anti-christ themed books that I have enjoyed. I can't imagine why;) Maybe when the global economy kicks in, the citizen security force is assembled, and I need to line up for my mark of the beast, oh, I mean identification chip, it will come to me.

Books like these make me thankful that I enjoy reading. M-O-O-N that spells Thanksgiving! (You have to read The Stand to get that joke).

YES HE CAN

"The first thing I'd do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. That's the first thing that I'd do." -- Senator Barack Obama, speaking to the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, July 17, 2007

And here we are.

The Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) is the most radical piece of legislation in U.S. history. Here are some key points about the legislation co-sponsored by our president elect:

• By allowing and even promoting abortion, FOCA goes beyond Roe v Wade by declaring that women have a fundamental right to abortion and invalidates anti-abortion laws in all 50 states.
• FOCA will require taxpayers to pay for abortions. (So you can't smoke a cigarette in a bar anymore, but you can get taxpayer money to kill your baby?)
• FOCA will require states to allow partial birth abortions
• FOCA will require states to allow abortions by non-physicians. (Will this become a new boutique business like botox parties?)
• FOCA will bar laws protecting a right of conscientious objection to abortion (Catholic hospitals will close their doors and the poor and needy will no longer have that access to merciful care)

Wow. And the biggest problem I have is if there are no restrictions on this, who is to say that abortion won't be MANDATED in the future? Only two kids per family...no down syndrome babies...no cripples...only blue eyes.........Ugh.

Young Love

This is an ode to Sonic. I love you. You make me happy. On some days, you complete me. Happy hour is the best invention EVER. Half price drinks! And if you told me as a 19 or 20 year old that happy hour would mean an $.86 coke ($.83 in Tomball!) and not $.75 Miller Longnecks, I would have laughed at you. First, I was a strictly coke girl. Then I was introduced to Diet coke with lime. Yum. THEN came my newest love (shout out to Allison)....Chocolate Coke. Is a flavor explosion of yumminess in a styrofoam cup.

Sonic is a happy place for me. One of my fondest relationship memories is when my then boyfriend, now husband came to visit me in Ft. Worth and we went to Sonic and it was a cool night and the windows were down and I was eating chili frito pie and singing "Bye Bye Miss American Pie" thinking, "I can't wait to marry this man cause this is probably gonna be how fun marriage is EVERY DAY." Sometimes I wanna travel back in time just so I can bitch slap myself.

Forget those other two and lets vote for Jimmy (warning colorful language)

If you think you like him, here are his views on global warming - he really thinks outside of the box.